Sirius Gets Exclusive Interview With Satan
In honor of 6-6-6 Sirius comedy grabbed an EXCLUSIVE interview with none other but Satan himself!
SIRIUS Comedy: Welcome, Satan.
Satan: “Welcome” my [pointy tail]*! The boss said if I don’t do this stupid [darn] interview, he’d dock my pay!
SIRIUS Comedy: How is it you came to work here at SIRIUS? Do you enjoy being the voice of Raw Dog?
Satan: Look…let’s get this straight: I “enjoy” torturing human souls for all eternity! I “enjoy” playing craps with Saddam’s boys! For Hades’ sake, I don’t “enjoy” working for idiots who tell me to “reset the topic” every five minutes!
Problem is: with fuel costs what they are these days, keeping hell hot costs a [whole heck of a lot] of money… a demon needs to do what a demon needs to do… so… one day, me and Sam and his youthful ward, Sal, are watching Gilmore Girls and…
SIRIUS Comedy: Satan watches Gilmore Girls?
Satan: What? C’mon, Gilmore Girls is an excellent show! Tell me you wouldn’t want a mom like Lorelai!?!?…ugh! Anyhoo…this “Sal” mentions that his bosses over at Raw Dog are looking for an announcer for the channel, and that it pays pretty well. So I went to the audition, eviscerated everyone in the room, and started showing up for work!! AHHHHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…
It’s a great arrangement: they don’t [mess] with me, and I let them keep their mortal souls. AHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA… for now.
SIRIUS Comedy: So, Satan, are you excited about June 6th, 2006, when the date will be 6/6/06. Is this like a big day in hell, like a birthday for you?
Satan: Hades help me! That whole “666″ thing is a pile of crap! Sort of like Cinco de Mayo in Mexico, or St. Patrick’s day in Ireland!
Here’s the deal: it wound up in the Bible, then Iron Maiden put it in that [flipping] song… and once you put something in a song…well, just call the poor sonovabitch who has 867-5309 as his phone number…he’ll tell ya. But personally I’m thinking I just might call in sick that day and smite the entire lot of you!
Ugh!…there goes my ulcer. I really wish I didn’t need this gig.
Enough about that! Next question!
SIRIUS COMEDY: An ulcer? Forgive me for saying this, Satan, but that doesn’t seem very Satanic…
Satan: Not satanic? Call me on October 6th, 2014…let me know how “not Satanic” it feels. MUUUAHHAHAHAHA…