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Old 08-04-2005, 11:57 PM   #1
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Default old girlfriend......

I know somethings should not be revisited, but, my old girlfriend meant alot to me and today is her birthday, so I sent her a nice rose package from FTD, well, I guess I sent it to her sister's house, since they both lives in another state now, I got her addy off of the internet (legal) gotta love the locator sites out now....anywayz I put on the card that it was from a former BF and nothing more, then I get an email thinking it's her, turns out it is her sister wanting to know who I am and yatta yatta, well, I think my "good hearted" gift backfired. My question is to you, have you ever tried to get back together with an old BF or GF and did it turn out good or bad, I mean all and all, she did get a nice FREE set of flowers, I would not care who they were from, but she like wanted to know........your thoughts.......THX
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Old 08-05-2005, 05:01 AM   #2
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Three things:

(1) If you want to send flowers forget FTD and 1800flowers and all those services. You get a much better deal by looking up on Yahoo Yellow pages and calling a local florist yourself.

(2) I am hearing you correct that you want to rekindle a relationship with a person who lives in another state? Sounds a bit iffy to me. Also why did you two split up in the first place? If you split up over some real issues then move on. If you to still have a lot of energy between each other--and there is no way its going to work--sometimes you're better off just leaving it alone. Still, if the split up was over something silly like an insignificant issue which escalated to the absurd; no real reason not to give it another whirl.

(3) Sometimes in the relationship world, you want more from a relationship than simple friendship. You are under no obligation to keep a friendship that had moved to an closer relationship if you decide or she decides to end boyfriend/girlfriend status. Also that person should be under no obligation to keep the relationship going with you--so if you sense that she wants you to leave her be, just leave her be.

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Old 08-05-2005, 08:23 AM   #3
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Sorry to say it like this, but it looks to me like you might have wasted your money.
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Old 08-05-2005, 08:26 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadhead13
Sorry to say it like this, but it looks to me like you might have wated your money.
If he did it with the thought of getting something back, then you might be have wasted his money.

If he did it because it was done from the heart, then he hardly wasted his money.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:21 AM   #5
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Yes twice... bad news.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:27 AM   #6
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he did not waste his money. you don't know, until you try.

in fact, he still doesn't know for sure, since the girl does not know who he is.

if i had to guess though, it may have caused some friction with the current BF of the girl.

if i were in his position at this point, i would let her know that i had sent the flowers, and why.
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Old 08-05-2005, 09:38 AM   #7
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My two cents:
You seem like a young man based on previous posts. When I was your age I did the same kind of stuff. You just did what you felt was right. Nothing wrong with that, but sometimes doing what "feels" right is not the best. Perhaps you thought of it as a friendly gesture. My guess is deep down you wanted to bring back memories of the good times you shared together. After a period of separation, your mind will tend to remember only the "good times" and place less emphasis on the real reasons you broke up. However, the reality is that the two of you weren't compatible in lots of ways, hence the breakup. I know I will take some heat for this next comment, but here it goes anyway: Love is powerful, but it is not enough. You must share more than Love or a deep passion for one another, you must be able to be friends and be compatible with each other.

Sorry to stray there, but I agree with UncleBoomsky, he probably said it best
Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleBoomsky

(3) Sometimes in the relationship world, you want more from a relationship than simple friendship. You are under no obligation to keep a friendship that had moved to an closer relationship if you decide or she decides to end boyfriend/girlfriend status. Also that person should be under no obligation to keep the relationship going with you--so if you sense that she wants you to leave her be, just leave her be.

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That is a hard pill to swallow, but it appears it is time to let go!
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Old 08-05-2005, 10:17 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gymeejet
he did not waste his money. you don't know, until you try.

in fact, he still doesn't know for sure, since the girl does not know who he is.

if i had to guess though, it may have caused some friction with the current BF of the girl.

if i were in his position at this point, i would let her know that i had sent the flowers, and why.
He wasted his money. If she is in a different state and he ain't getting none. He is wasting his money!
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Old 08-05-2005, 03:20 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadhead13

He wasted his money. If she is in a different state and he ain't getting none. He is wasting his money!
Please tell me you were making a joke here.
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Old 08-06-2005, 11:58 PM   #10
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hi siso,

i doubt if it was a joke. many males put a high value on sex. in fact, i would guess that over half of the relationships would stop instantly, if the woman no longer gave sex to the man.

i am not blaming just the men. i also believe that half of the relationships would stop instantly if the woman had to at least pay for her half.

the combo of both of those situations plays the biggest part for poor relationships in society today, and why for the most part, i stay away from them.

for a relationship to really work, we can't get into them simply to fulfill our own needs or desires.
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Old 08-07-2005, 01:30 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SISO
Quote:
Originally Posted by deadhead13

He wasted his money. If she is in a different state and he ain't getting none. He is wasting his money!
Please tell me you were making a joke here.
well, what i was trying to say, is that he is wasting his money and time on a relationship that is not going to go anywhere. by sending this girl flowers he is trying to hold on to what he once had, which is not a healthy thing to do and it will keep him living in the past and may not allow him to further his personal life, presently or in the near future. In situations like this, it is better to cut all ties and move on with life. Sending flowers, cards, masseges, ect. will not bring her back and if anything he will seem like a weak man in ther eyes.

this is basicaly what i was trying to say. I guess it just came out wrong.
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Old 08-07-2005, 04:05 PM   #12
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If you were sending flowers to let her know that you were thinking of her or wanting to get back together then you shouldve put your name on the card. Otherwise im sure she got creeped out thinking some man is stalking her around the corner.

She wouldve known that she really meant something to you for you to remember her birthday and then she wouldve emailed you herself. I mean really, how many men actually remember a womans birthday without some hints! lol This day in age its just to creepy to get sent anything without a name on it, let alone just an email address.
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Old 08-08-2005, 02:21 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deadhead13

Sending flowers, cards, masseges, ect. will not bring her back and if anything he will seem like a weak man in ther eyes.
it is too bad that there is some element of truth to this. just part of what is wrong with boy-girl relationships. doing something nice for someone else should not be interpreted as being weak; although often it is. relationships are not about control.

now i would agree that repeating this would seem to be a bit on the possessive/desperate side. but often people do try to take advantage of people who are giving of themselves. the payback is they usually get stuck with some jerk, which is exactly what they deserve.
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Old 08-08-2005, 10:49 PM   #14
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When my first wife and I were separated, she was the one that wanted, desparately to get back together but we weren't supposed to be talking to one another as per the court (another story) but the court order only held for CT where I lived but we both worked in Manhattan at the time.

The first thing she did was try to disguise her voice so that she sounded like Irish Nun to set up a lunch meeting. I decided to play along and went up to Trinty Church to hear what the "Nun" had to say. Well the Nun showed up, sans habbit, and viriginity, too.

Another time she offered me dinner at her place and also asked me to put together her futon. It was nice but when she came on to me, I knew it was time to pop smoke.

The moral to my story was, why go back to her when up to that time, 6 mos of separation, I had gotten more poon then I got with her married for 3 years and engaged for 2!

Divorce was my sweet revenge on her!
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Old 08-08-2005, 11:50 PM   #15
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Damn, the things I come to read on SBS these days!

I could offer up my advice and opinion, being unlucky in love a few times over AND recently divorced...but what the hell could I offer over all of this.
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